Mar 08

Snowquester? Noquester.

weather-forecast_symbolsThis was a tough last couple of days here in Washington, DC for members of the meteorological society.  Weathermen (and women) from across the region (along with those of the famed “The Weather Channel”) spouted off about the impending doom and gloom of a MONSTER March snowstorm, with inches upon inches cascading down throughout the region. A storm of epic proportions. The SNOWQUESTER.  Schools closed ahead of the storm to protect the innocent; governments closed and prepared with an army of trucks; power companies promised to be much much MUCH more ready for this than say, any other storm hitting the area before. Bread was purchased. Can goods and beef jerky was stored. THEN…..

Well, nothing really. Just some rain.

What the hell? I mean don’t get me wrong, not getting buried in foot after foot of snow is a good thing, but this just wasn’t a “call for 5 inches” but really get 3 inches kind of miss. This was a swing-and-a-miss, Like Pedro in Major League hitting the curve ball. But there was no Jobu to give an offering to for the missed forecast.

So what to do? Well here’s FIVE things that occurred during the “Snowquester That Never Was” for DC:

1. Ice Melt will be used as confetti for this weekend’s wedding ceremonies across the city. Now kids, please, don’t throw directly into the eyes of the bride or groom… ice melt stings.

2. DC Lottery has started a new scratch-off game called “Call the Weather” – if you ticket matches the weather for the day you buy the ticket… you win $5.  Proceeds help the kids. The kids.

3. The “Be a Weatherperson” draft has expanded beyond just those who work for local television channels. Now, anyone with a valid driver’s license is eligible to become a network meteorologist based upon a monthly drawing. I am happy to report that my bagel shop owner will be doing weather on Fox 5 WTTG next month. Congrats, Mr. Li.

4. Due to “budget constraints”, weather forecasts will now be combined with Powerball drawings. Instead of numbers on the ping pong balls, each one will have either a sun, a raindrop, a snowflake, or a picture of Justin Bieber. (note: if four Justin Biebers are drawn, that is a symbol of the Four Horseman of the Apocolypse and all humanity will be consumed in hellfire and death…. soooo that’s a thing. …and now, Sports with Champ Kind!

5.  I’m going to get my weather information from the most trusted man… Grover.


One of my favorite albums of all-time.

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